gotta be down cause i want it all

    I’m having seriously conflicting feelings about who I want to be. My entire life, I have always had a plan. Has the plan changed? Yes, of course. I started kindergarten saying I was going to be a painter, then by third grade it turned into baker, and by middle school I settled into engineering because I learned of the concept of money. 

    Freshman year of high school, I had a hyper fixation on planes, so aerospace it was. Oh, but then I got kicked out of the aerospace club, so in retaliation, I did a 360 and switched to biomedical engineering. Then, the summer of sophomore year, I watched my grandma fall down the slippery slope of Parkinson’s and shadowed my doctor aunt in India, which casually made me change my mind and decide I wanted to become a doctor. Cool. So I would major in biomedical engineering with a plan to go to medical school.

    I did dual enrollment for the last two years of high school and realized VERY quickly that engineering was, in fact, not for me and that majoring in it would decimate me. Sooo... biology? So here I am, all these years later, and I am, in fact, enrolled in college for biology with a pre-med concentration. And you may be thinking, this doesn’t really sound like much of a plan, but in other ways, it completely is. I was always planning on going to a good school, going to grad school of some sort, buying a big house in California, getting married, and having a bunch of kids.

    Now, going to a state school in the South was never a part of my plan, and I’m having a hard time coming to terms with that concept. With two weeks until move-in, I have no idea what kind of person I want to be. I think a lot of this is starting to stem from the fact that I don’t really know who I am anymore. I know that I want to be a doctor, and that I crochet, and that’s about it.

    But that’s lowkey the point of this blog. I want to find my voice and my life back. On other news I have started a new project with the little yarn I have left lol. No pattern unfortunately, freehanded by yours truly but inspo from @sophievaa_ on tiktok! Will be posted to projects tab once done ofc.